“I need feminism because…No means No.But sometimes Yes doesn’t mean Yes.
Fine. I now require a notarized and witnessed contract as well as the following…
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I’ve never had a ONS, nor have I ever had more than my 1 partner…but is it really that difficult to just come out and say what type of sex you’d like to have with a casual partner? I mean, you’ve already “agreed” to be naked in front of each other, surely it can’t be hard to say “Yes, I find you attractive enough to sleep with. I won’t do anal or bondage sex with you, but I’m willing to do oral and vaginal.” Why is this rocket science?
What is a ONS?
> Why is this rocket science?
Because every possible means must be made to demonstrate that men and boys are utterly without any social sense in the slightest bit, and that we’re a hair-trigger away from being Patriarchal Rape Monsters.
As enlightened Radical Feminists, the simultaneous opportunities of put men in their place, promoting women’s natural victimhood and Femsplaining is too much to resist. “Men bad, women good” is cheaper than crack.
Sorry, thought you’d know. My mistake. ONS = One Night Stand.
Ugh, I thought it might have something to do with this constant “victimhood”. How anyone lives under the belief they are continuously oppressed in every opposite sex interaction…every day…is beyond me. Besides I much prefer reality, which says “some people good, some people bad”.
First of all this picture is genius. I think a lot of women just assume men are hapless sex fiends but when your facing 18 years of child support a 50% divorce rate and a disinterested wife and possible rape charges it really does take the romance and spontaneity right out of it.But I mean common, when’s the last time any man actually ASKED for sex? – Frankly its pathetic and most women I know would be turned off completely. We go back to mine/hers…
Me – “O.K so here we are – would you like to have some sex?”
Her – “Amm….”
Me – “I need your informed consent”
Her – “Yes…”
Me – “Yes what?…yes you’d like oral, vaginal, anal, touching, kissing?”
Her – “Huh?…”
Me – “Yeah, see there’s this law now, I need written consent you haven’t had any alcohol and that I’m not raping you”
Her – “Forget it…”
Thank You Feminism.
The focus on an unambiguous yes (or a “give me your cock” or “I want you to eat me out right the fuck now”… you get the idea) cuts out any murkiness around the idea of whether somebody is consenting. It’s hard to mistake a “please fuck me”, after all. It simplifies the issue rather nicely. Didn’t get a “Yes”? You don’t have sex. End of. http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2013/03/enthusiastic-consent/
I cannot count the number of times that I’d agreed to have sex when I wasn’t really enthusiastic. It happens. Sometimes you’re not in the mood, or you aren’t YET in the mood, or you love your partner enough to understand that “maintenance sex” is just part of the process of a relationship. I have never enthusiastically done dishes, but I get really annoyed when they pile up, so I do them. Afterwards, it happens that I realize that not only was I glad to have done them, but enjoyed the relaxed process of doing so.
My problem with the notion of “enthusiastic” consent, is merely that it presupposes that men will want sex in anyway possible, as though our partners being turned on isn’t what turns us on. This whole notion, it seems to me, reduces men to machine-like fuck machines; as long as the dick gets wet and he ejaculates, that’s good enough. It denies us our humanity. The underlying assumption behind the notion of ENTHUSIASTIC consent is that men are too stupid to empathize with his partner, and that we are single minded in the goal. Who cares if it’s a starfish fuck, it’s a fuck!
This is merely another example of bigotry toward men.
You have some good points, Chewbacca. My lover doesn’t initiate for the majority of our “encounters” and I really wish he would sometimes. It tends to make me feel like he’s not interested, though once I make my intentions known he’s totally into it. I think it comes from his last few partners not being very sexual, so he learned that “women are the gatekeepers”, but to an extreme. I trust him/he trusts me enough that we would never hurt each other, but I still initiate 90% of the time. Oh well…
As for a partner that you don’t really know, I think you should be able to start out slow and figure out what he/she likes by the way they relax or tense up. If you’re bad with subtle body language like I sometimes am, why not “ask” what your partner wants by talking dirty to them? You or she/he could whisper things they want to do while giving a shoulder rub or while petting, and you could turn it into an “adult storytime” or a anticipation building game.
Or am I way off track here and that’s not how these situations work?
“he learned that “women are the gatekeepers””
That really hits the mark.
I’ll have more to say on this once I’ve figured out how to articulate it.
Can’t wait to see it. :)
I understand where it’s coming from, in a way. As the female sexual partner, I’m smaller, lighter, don’t have as much muscle mass…I weigh 150 and am 5’6″, whereas he’s 6’2″ and weighs 275. If he was a bastard and wanted to force me to have sex, I’d have very little way of stopping him. If I was raped by a stranger I’d have to deal with the threat of pregnancy, STDs, vaginal tearing/blood clots, probably pelvic bruising, and of course all the emotional crap that accompanies surviving such an attack.
BUT…this is my lover we are talking about. Not only does he have no STDs and cannot get me pregnant, but he’s not a self-righteous asshole who would force himself on me if I didn’t want sex (which hasn’t happened yet, but let’s be hypothetical here). I can completely understand going slow and being uber respectful of a partner you just met…but honestly, it gets frustrating sometimes always being “the gatekeeper”, especially as it’s completely unnecessary. I’ve only gotten hurt once, and I’m pretty sure it was just a matter of not being in the correct position.
“it gets frustrating sometimes always being “the gatekeeper”, especially as it’s completely unnecessary”
Funny thing, as a man, I feel the same way about being the leader, or the initiator. This would make a good meme.
I feel that if people had more such honest, listening-full and respectful conversations, we’d all be better off.
We would be, it’s true. You know, sometimes I really do feel like “the guy” in the relationship. I enjoy initiating, I do…I just want a few times when he does also.
So, what do you prefer with your partners? For her to chase you, or for you to chase her…or is it partner dependent?
I tend to prefer both. The important part to me is the honest mutuality where people are comfortable enough to simply be who they are overall and in the moment. While I appreciate the playfulness of seducing someone, at the same time, it’s nice when someone reciprocates, and makes you feel like you’re wanted. The feedback of someone pursuing you is a signal that they are happy with their choice of partners and that’s good for the relationship.
Think I pretty much agree with everything there, though my own experiences with women are probably a little more full on, or maybe I just keep dating sluts. My last partner liked rough sex and she rarely initiated, which I think was a bad thing. Not that she didn’t want sex but after 3 gos on the trampoline I kind of just assumed she liked being adventurous too….to be fair it was the only good part of our “relationship”, which was telling but I think a lot of women just don’t get it when it comes to turning a guy on or maybe I’m just over sexed.
There’s a lot in body language Tarnished, I think your spot on there, I can’t count the number of times I’ve said barely a word to a woman and ended up in bed – sometimes conversation just ruins the moment and for sure the whole yes/no gets in the way, even though I know most women enjoy the foreplay and excitement of being taken by a man. Honestly sometimes I just wish women would get over this ingrained idea that men are just using them for sex. I’ve never had sex with a partner – whether it was fucking or making love – that didn’t involve my emotions. Why my dick is somehow seen as separate from me is a mystery, but with all the rhetoric from feminists these days its hard to be the one in charge while your wondering if getting screwed is a life sentence or just a sentence…kinda spoils it all for me. I think what I’ve learned is to wait, while that’s not really my personality at least I can feel more safe and confident. That said, the one night stand is pretty much out the window – at least until the male pill arrives and I install evidence cameras in the bedroom. :))
I think part of the problem might be that many women tend to think
A. Men only want sex
B. All men enjoy rough sex
C. Men are all comfortable with one night stands
D. Men don’t care about personality/niceness
Put all these together, and you get women who begin to think of men as an unfeeling conglomerate rather than as individuals with different tastes and expectations. Hell, my lover can go from wanting BDSM style sex on Friday and gentle lovemaking on Tuesday…sexual desires are hardly “all or none”!
Congrats on realizing you need to feel safe/confident during sex. I believe a good number of guys don’t yet realize just how dangerous dating can be for them. Just look at the stories in any section of the manosphere…I’ll be happy for you guys when your Pill finally comes out (if the feminazis don’t kill it first). Reproductive rights should belong to everyone, not just chicks.
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