Monthly Archives: July 2014

#womenagainstfeminism in brief

Not to be one who puts words in another’s mouth, but this summarizes my impression of #womenagainstfeminism’s general message.

Women Against Feminism Meme

And the panicked “let’s carpet bomb our apologia” response is simply delightful.

http://www.today.com/video/today/55755257#55755257

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The Ninja, Forrest Gump

I’ve just finished watching Forrest Gump (for the Gajillionth time!)

I’ve often wondered if Forrest’s path had gone down a different fork, and that he had be trained by Ninja. What would The Ninja, Forrest Gump’s life story have been?

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Angry Squirrel Selfie.

I said: “NO F*CKING PICTURES!” Get away or lose your nut sack!” >8(

“But I lived it!” The Past, Pain, Listening and Empathy.

I recently held a family gathering in my home. Imagine the slow-motion, soft-lens picturesque image of a long table full of people laughing, drinking wine, eating fresh tomatoes from my garden and children scampering after frogs against a background of birds fluttering in a fountain and the scent of flowers wafting in the breeze.

Then I heard it “So, how is it that we women are oppressing men, these days, taking away all your rights?” harshed the 70-plus-year-old woman who is often inappropriate with her words, touch and physical proximity, the creepy family friend.

Ah Crap.

“What is the conversation about?”

“Your mother tells us that you think that women have never had to fight for our rights,” responds my godmother. My godmother, the elder of our family, is a kind, gentle and attentive woman with exceptionally refined taste. She is an educated woman and very well-travelled. If ever the term sophisticate applied to any one, it does to her. She and her former spouse raised four girls and one adopted boy, my childhood best friend–and she spent much time parenting me in the summer months of my innocent youth. Here, from the mouth of a wonderful person came spewing torrents of non-sense, unexamined claims, a complete inability to hold anything remotely close to an intelligible conversation on the subject.

“Let’s start over,” I say, “I am an anti-feminist in the year 2014 because I believe that the prevalent political ideology of Radical Feminism is a power that has infected culture though educational institutions, and has created a pervasive acceptance of tenets that make it morally plausible to engage in governmental and media activities that create laws and campaigns that harm men, women, children and society in general. It is a set of beliefs that poisons relationships between men and women at every possible level. Feminism is not today, what you thought it was in your youth.”

I continued making an effort to speak as simply and clearly as I could, listing the specific beliefs, practices, giving examples of the consequences to society at the legal and cultural level. In the time that it has probably taken you, my reader, to read this, I was cut off.

The conversation was very quick-paced, and was a series of interrupting challenges to my responses; I cannot faithfully re-create the conversation here.

Think of every counter-argument to Feminism that you may have heard rebutted by someone without the benefit of practice of clarifying her arguments.

“But women lived this, you don’t know what it’s like to be a woman!”
“Men have always had all of the power!”
“Women make only 70% of what men make!”
“Those women are extremists and a mere fraction of a fraction of the population–they aren’t real Feminists!”
“Never mind statistics, they can be fudged!”
“Politicians are crooked.”
“All it takes to change a law are lobbyists.”

… and so on, and so forth. No grounding in reality, no facts, no willingness to listen, just a big bunch of emotion refusing to accept anything other than her point of view.

The following is the crux of her argument. My mother is almost 70, so my aunt must be nearing 75. They recall a time, being raised in Québec, when the Roman Catholic Church was at the peak of its power. Women could not go to the doctor without a note from a man. Women could not get a loan from a bank without a man’s signature. She listed off a number of occurrences, as my mother had in previous conversations with me. There were many things that a woman could not do without the consent of her husband, or worse yet, a priest.

I neither denied, nor refuted, nor belittled any of this, because it was true. I recall as a very young boy hearing my then youthful elders holding the same discussions. “The priests say…” was the common introduction to a complaint. I’ve witnessed some these things. I recall my mother expressing frustration and consternation at such things. Maudite Merde! I emphasized that at the time, those were in fact the conditions, and that I accepted not only those facts, but accepted that their feelings about such things at the time were legitimate and called for.

My godmother, like my mother, and her sisters, share a common experience of the past. What my aunt could not–or would not–accept is the reminder that this is the year 2014, and that my response to current-day Feminism is not an obviation of her past experiences.

When I gave facts, she responded with “You’re speaking from here on up,” drawing a line from the eyes to the top of her head with her hand, “you have no experience, I do!” I reminded her that I was alive in the 70’s.

“But you were a child, that’s meaningless!”

I reminded her of the time when I was 3-4 and asked my mother “Why am I a Male Chauvinist Pig?” I can still recall the pink buttons with the face of a man-pig and the Feminist symbol. I have had a good number of years being raised with and around Feminists, and have experienced the cultural changes myself.

“But everything you say is from the head only. What are some of your experiences?”

I then proceeded to give her examples of what it’s like for a man, “from the eyebrows down,” so to speak, to live in a society that has had 40 years of Radical Feminist influence.

I could not complete a sentence before she dismissed what I was saying with the equivalent of “Bullshit! You’re wrong! You don’t know what you’re talking about! I lived it. I lived it!” all while cutting me off, refusing to listen, even after having asked what my experience is.

“Well! What you say isn’t true. You are speaking of only an extreme minority, outliers. They aren’t true Feminists, and not all Feminists are like them, those not-true Feminists. Women don’t rape, don’t kill, don’t take advantage of men! Men have always had the power. “And what of incest?” demanded Mrs. Inappropriate, “What do the statistics tell you about that?”

The subtext was evident: men are incestuous animals, baby-rapists to the last. Sneering contempt thrown liberally, as though it were merely a word-game, disconnected and ignoring reality of such words, while expecting me to accept with full emotional impact the words that they were so eager for me to positively accept on their behalf.

“Women did not have the right to keep their own name! The man’s name was forced on us. Mrs. X is not my name! And we had to serve them!”

“And what were men’s responsibilities in those days? What duties were commensurate with those asserted rights?”

Instant change of subject.

Studies? Statistics? You can do anything with those! I lived though those days, you have no experience!”

I love my godmother. I understand that her youth was a different time than my own adulthood. She does not seem to want to acknowledge that she’s reliving there and then and she does not concede that my arguments are based on the facts of here and now, that we are living in two different eras.

My point was a simple one. “Ma tante, you’ve spoken of women’s disadvantages and men’s advantages, without ever speaking to or acknowledging women’s advantages and men’s disadvantages. You make victims of women, while ignoring their privileges, and point to men’s privileges while ignoring their societal obligations and legal duties. You speak of only part of the picture; I believe that the only way that we can restore the damaged relationships between men and women, and society in general is when we can discuss all four, honestly, openly, to listen and learn, so as to break down the walls of pain and hostility with sincere empathy for each other.”

But by this time, my Godmother had turned away to a different conversation with my other aunt. Plausible avoidance, from my point of view; a graceful self-ejection from a conversation where she could not beat me into submission though sheer force of emotional will.

“Yes,” replied another one of my aunts, “but it is difficult for some men… er, people to communicate.”

I agree that it is. And that is why I think we should work at it.

They say that science advances one funeral at a time, but “they” often fail to remark that the next crib regulates the rate of what advancement is made. I am one born of that following generation’s crib, and I choose to shove this mother-fucker beyond most people’s comfort level. No stretch, no gain.

We have partially dealt with racism, relegating it, for the most part, to the dunce corner of obscurity and shame. We are still dealing with sexism, and perhaps for the first time in history, we are addressing the sexism that dismisses men. I have hope. Within three generations, maybe men and women will truly know equality, and not because of an ideology, but because we are so very slowly maturing as a species that can afford to be honest with ourselves. When men are valued as much as women are, I believe that we will be a few steps closer to be a truly collaborative species and that our progeny will have the kind of life that I wish that we’ve all had.

All good things come in time to those that persevere.

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PS: I have a small group of regular interlocutors that challenge me as much as they listen me. You are part of the solution, and though such simple acts add to the Better World side of the scale.

Thank you for that.

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My three favourite Women Against Feminism posts

And this is the one I most relate to.

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It’s a thing. Let’s kill it!

An article I was about to read starts with the following sentence:

Like it or not, the Women Against Feminism tumblr is a real thing in the world.

It’s a thing. A real thing! A really, true fact real thing. And it’s in the world, this thing.

“People are paying attention to argument X;” “More and more people are persuaded by argument X;” “Argument X is taken seriously;” “People are taking notice of issue Y;” “Many people are discussing issue X;” “Group W is attracting a lot of attention;” “The argument that X is Y is piquing people’s interests;” “More and more people are accepting the argument that F is no longer relevant.”

I hereby invoke the right to stab anyone in the face using a non-sterile ice-pick, should they use the phrase “It’s a thing.”

That, and “Just sayin’.”

It is giving me twitter PTSD.

Grrr.

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Playing Russian Roulette with men’s lives: 96% of women are liars

An excerpt from 96% of women are liars, honest.

“Modern women just can’t stop lying, but they do it to stop hurting other people’s feelings. It could be argued that these little white lies simply make the world go round a little more smoothly. But to tell a man a baby is his when it’s not, or to deliberately get pregnant when your partner doesn’t want a baby, is playing Russian roulette with other people’s lives.”

96% of women are liars, honest, The Scotsman, Friday 25th July 2014
http://www.scotsman.com/news/uk/96-of-women-are-liars-honest-1-565123

This informal and provocatively titled survey is hot on the heels of a conversation in the comments section on One example of why I favour mandatory paternity testing at birth. I will be the first to raise my hand to the fact that this is an informal survey, and not a feat of great scholarship, yet, this is a claim that I’ve heard all of my life, confessed to by women: women will in fact lie to men about who the father of a child is for no reason other than it is convenient, and there are little to no consequences for them to do so. The risk of being caught is minimal, and even when caught, the odds are stacked in their favour.

In a recent conversation with another MRA that was making the claim that women are all of one way, that they universally share certain negative character traits, I had responded:

I am saying that the behaviours that you are attributing to women, are in fact human behaviour when certain conditions exist to permit them to flourish. We have built a society whereby men are considered disposable and women are considered precious, which is what has allowed some women to behave poorly, unchecked. Have you ever imagined what the world would be like if only 5% of creatures were born male? Who would be sought after? Protected? Provided for? Do you think the rules would be different? Who would have the choice of relationships? Who would be more choosy and who would be more careful?

The kind of generally abusive behaviour that many women engage in is not due to their body, but in large part because we men indiscriminately throw ourselves at women, and we have failed to set boundaries.

Power without accountability usually creates selfish monsters. This does not excuse either men or women from developing their own character, but you can’t put it all on them, or on all of them. There is only one thing that we can control in this world: ourselves.

What we can do about it is to be the ones that set the rules and boundaries of our own lives. When we all show that we can just walk away before things get bad, the game will change.

One of the reasons that I support mandatory paternity testing is to provide the man with the the facts necessary to make an informed, and rational decision. Mandatory paternity testing can provide the information to solidify a relationship as much as to give the man the freedom to make his own choices.

When building a fence, not only is it necessary to know where the boundaries are, it is important to know if the fence is needed at all.

 

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Oh FFS! Hacker9 and more cultural messages of women as victims and men as perpetrators

Every now and again, I look at the stats for this blog, to get a sense of how many people read, or who is linking to me (often a source of interesting ideas), and I get a good number of links from Facebook. I don’t know how to track them to the article that mentions a given post, so I thought I’d look it up. First result.

Just another example of the cultural message that women are victims and men are perpetrators.

 

hacker--misandry

http://www.hacker9.com/trace-facebook-user-account-using-facebooks-notification-email-header.html

 

PS: If you know how to find the source of a link on facebook, please share your kung-fu with me.

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One example of why I favour mandatory paternity testing at birth

Blood Test of Love

In a live chat, Prudie counsels a woman whose husband won’t feel affection for their child without proof he’s the dad.

A married couple of two years.
The woman announces that she is pregnant.
The husband and alleged father asks for a paternity test “for his peace of mind.”
The woman refuses to do the test (at least until the birth of the child/ren), and is considering destroying the marriage and becoming a single mother.

Prudence’s advice?
The husband is a “cold, hostile, accusatory lunatic” and “has no excuse” and is experiencing “a bizarre personality change.” The wife needs to tell him to get counselling to overcome his “derangement.” Now!

À vos commandes, mon Capitaine!

The husband made it clear that he didn’t have peace of mind, an issue that could be easily resolved with a simple post-natal paternity test. The woman hints that it is possible that he is not the father, or at the very least that she is willing to lie about it.

This is what misandry looks like.

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