Québec is a primarily French-speaking area, and in small towns such as the one that I live in, the few people who speak English are tourists or those who’ve travelled some. I was at a friend’s party last night as we stood around the fire, glassware in hand, a woman in my circle asked “Are you married?”, “Then you have a girlfriend?”, and “But why not?!”
My three female interlocutors seemed aghast at the notion that I wasn’t particularly interested in any sort of long-term relationship. “Ah, but if I were single, I could get you.”, said one. All three looked at each other with a face that said “Of course I could too!” Having had my third or fourth beer, I merely shrugged.
There must have been something in my expression or body language, because they all stopped, almost simultaneously. The first one asked “Are you gay?” No. “But you must have been damaged by a woman, had your heart broken, then!” responded the second. No. “Have you just separated or been divorced?” asked the first, again. “Some men are just bitter…” interjected the third, which oddly enough seemed to relieve all three.
I laughed at how it all seemed on cue, and simply said “No, not that either.” And again, the reaction was palpable. I’m not sure I have words for their reaction. It was like watching the confusion of someone grasping for a mirage and not understanding why their hands aren’t making contact with that which is right before their eyes.
The term “Men Going Their Own Way” translates very poorly into French (or at least I had little success at it) so I ended up saying something like “I make my own rules for life.” The response was that of uncertain curiosity facing a strange and unexplained phenomena, not sure if what is before them is good, neutral or a threat. The conversation went on for a good 20 to 30 minutes, and ended up with a clear general agreement among the three that I should simply trust women, because most are good, and that I should get married, or at least have a long-term girlfriend. The overwhelming accord among the three is that Ben, voyons donc! C’est naturel, quoi! (“C’mon! It’s just natural.”) with the implication that my choice is, if not unnatural, then at least suspect. “Un vieux gars, c’as besoin d’une femme pour se compléter.” (A bachelor needs a woman in order to be complete.)
Today, liver still protesting, I watched the following video.
Recalling last night’s conversation and wishing that I’d had a more organized list of my own personal reasons to bring up on such occasions, I set pixel to screen.
I have certain fears.
I am MGTOW, because for men, marriage is state-backed, female-triggered time-bomb that could blow his life up.
I am MGTOW, because for men, having children is state-backed, female-triggered time-bomb that could blow his life up.
I am MGTOW because I have no reproductive rights and limited control over my fertility.
I am MGTOW because a simple accusation driven by spite and not fact, from an unfortunately chosen partner, could blow his life up.
I am MGTOW because I cannot trust that the police or the courts will treat me impartially.
I have certain annoyances
I am MGTOW because I’m tired of “man” being shorthand for “bogey man.”
I am MGTOW because every long-term relationship I’ve ever had seemed to be a series of burdens and obligations, more than an easy friendship–until we broke up, at which time my ex’s resumed being the person that originally drew me to them. (And why do certain women seem to value the length of a relationship over its quality?)
I have certain beliefs.
I am MGTOW because being born male does not indenture me to you.
I am MGTOW because it’s not my job to impress you.
I am MGTOW because it’s not my job to provide for you.
I am MGTOW because it’s not my job to protect you.
I am MGTOW because it’s not my job to make you happy. That’s your own responsiblity.
I am MGTOW because it’s not my duty to restructure my life and relationships to please you.
I am MGTOW because I don’t need to change for you. This is who I am, love me, or leave me.
I am MGTOW because it is fair to expect as much from you as you might expect of me.
I am MGTOW because your approval has no bearing on my choices.
I am MGTOW because I owe you no explanations for my life choices.
I am MGTOW because Move your own damn furniture–and leave mine alone! :)
I have certain attitudes.
I am MGTOW because I prefer healthy, mature, adult relationships–or none at all–of my choice and to my own tastes.
I am MGTOW because it’s win-win or no deal.
I am MGTOW because the only person that can own me, is me.
I am MGTOW because my life is my own, and I like it. ’nuff said.
Overall, it was a nice exchange; the part that most interested me was that the responses among my small group were almost identical. That, I imagine is a by-product of cultural indoctrination. None of us are immune to it.