A reply to Eldrich: On Rejection & Revenge

Eldritch Edain wrote a very nice piece entitled On Rejection & Revenge.

I especially appreciated this particular insight “A deeper point is that when a person feels like a victim they are often indiscriminate when choosing the object of their revenge.” It very much resonated with an experience in the days of my young manhood.

One of the women and feminists who most influenced me, unfortunately, was Mary. We were roommates for 3 years or so. She was literally an angry, militant, black, lesbian, hairy-legged, left-handed Feminist. It was a running joke.

As we were speaking, one day, she told me the story of how she consciously chose Lesbianism as a way of life, and tacitly accepted Feminism as the tenets that would inform her choices.

Mary and a man had a child. One day, over an incident, the rageful husband picked up the infant, barely more than week of age, or so, and hurled it against the wall, crushing the child’s skull, which inevitably lead to its death. The trauma that such an incident can cause someone is undeniable.

After some time, she felt the need for companionship, and still traumatized, she generalized her anger to all men. She made the conscious decision to exclusively engage in relationships with women, and chose Feminism because women supported her, gave her compassion and fed her anger against the man, which had become Men.

“Every time I hurt a man, I’m hurting him a little,” she had said to me. “But isn’t that unfair to all the men –to me– who’ve done nothing to you?”, I asked.

“Maybe,” she replied, “but that’s the way it is.”

“… when a person feels like a victim they are often indiscriminate when choosing the object of their revenge.”



3 thoughts on “A reply to Eldrich: On Rejection & Revenge

  1. Tarnished says:

    This is an incredibly frightening concept, that of “if I hurt *you*, it’s *like* I’m hurting this other person”.

    No. No, it’s not. If you act rude or cruel or angry to all men because of the actions of one scumbag who happened to be male, you’re being irrational.
    If you act rude or cruel or angry to all women because of the actions of one bitch who happened to be female, you’re being irrational.

    Every person who randomly shares the genitals…or skin color…or religion…of someone who hurt you is still their own person. An individual, with their own needs, goals, dreams, and fears. To take an entire subgroup of humanity and lump them together under one label due to the pain caused by a single member is folly. Generalizations can be made, certainly. But in cases like this they come at the cost of perpetuating and actively creating more harm for no logical reason.

    • Francis Roy says:

      I agree. Unfortunately, at the time I had such a low concept of myself, and such poor thinking skills that I could not have verbalized that.

      I’ve gotten to the point in life where when I look back on people who’ve harmed, or tried to harm me, for the most part, a few incidents apart, keeping their age, their inventory of experience, I look back on the players with a sense of compassion rather than anger.

      One thing that did frustrate me, was that I we working very hard on my character (’cause everything bad that happens to me is my fault, right?) was that any time I acted with a sense of strength, improved a skill, found a way to improve my fortune, she would find subtle–and not so subtle–ways of halting that progress.

      Men, you see didn’t deserve “equality” because we were oppressors.

      One example was that I would bring a woman home and there was a stop-everything and coopt her into the “We girls” vs those asshole guys ploy. I stopped bringing women to my own home.

      The odd thing is that I still think well of her, generally speaking, but I’m sad that she couldn’t “get unfucked.”

      One day, a year or so after we had all moved out, she called me, we met. Asked me if “we’re OK” and started discussing some Carlos Castenada books that I had read. We spoke of life, death and such things. Turns out that she had breast cancer, and didn’t bother telling me. I found out some years later that she’d died of it.

    • Francis Roy says:

      “Every person who randomly shares the genitals” By the way, I don’t randomly share the genitals :)

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