How to be popular

like me

How to be popular.

Never disagree with people. Agree with them, even when what they say is nonsensical bullshit. Nod your head sagely when ideological dogma is spouted. Call someone wise when they spout platitudes. Pat them on the back for making an emotional argument. Like their nonsense facebook posts. Do not ever rock the boat, or give the slightest indication that they are not brilliant beyond the wisest of us when they post images that can be debunked with less that three seconds of thought.

Go with the flow. Make people feel good. Nod your head. Pat their back. Stroke their ego. Give them a like, a +1 or re-tweet. Should you be daring enough to post something, make your subject no more offensive than your gardening results. Take care not to use words like “organic”, unless you know they like “organic”–just put colourful, focused and inoffensive pretty pictures for people to respond with a Pavlovian “like.” Puppies are good, but kittens are better. If you have tits, show them. That’s all it takes.

Nod and agree. Nod and agree.

Or put a bullet in your brain

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5 thoughts on “How to be popular

  1. Tarnished says:

    I knew I was doing something wrong…

    What was the cause of this post? Too many girls with duck faces and subtle down the shirt cleavage pics? Or a “friend” who was upset your worldview didn’t match theirs?

  2. Emma the Emo says:

    I gave you a like to follow your advice ;)

    But all jokes aside.. perhaps this is why your friend told you to be quiet in a public FB forum (if that’s what happened) – he couldn’t risk appearing “extremist” to people he is either afraid of, or wants to be accepted by.

  3. Spawny Get says:

    “Agree with them, even when what they say is nonsensical bullshit”

    life would be simpler if I could. But I can’t. Never could TBH. And nowadays with the mound of BS that one would have to sign up to being high enough to have a permanent ice cap…not feasible, sorry.

    These days, it appears to me, they don’t even bother pretending to believe that which leaves their mouths. If they haven’t the good grace to pretend to believe it, they shouldn’t expect me to show any when I hear it.

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