Tag Archives: children

Let go of the notion of “deserving.”

I have to admit that someone who says “it’s not what [the fathers] deserve, but what you deserve” is merely playing into the same message that women hear from day one. You deserve. You deserve. The whole notion of deserving is part of the problem. I grew up thinking that that I deserved only the worst in life. The word deserve implies some merit, a debt owed. But what was done to have earned this debt as a child? Nothing. It is a bad concept that when disconnected from performance implies that a moral, a non-measurable, intangible, purely conceptual cause to the effect of merely existing. The concept deserve of good or bad things should be abolished, and the term earned should be used instead. To do otherwise is to set the child up for failure by imposing conditions over which they have no control.

Let us as men banish this pseudo-moralistic term and replace it with more accurate terms such as “earn,” which puts the child, and eventually the adult back in control of their life.

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What are boys good for?

I’ve translated below.

This is one of those “Kids Say the Darnedest Things” kind of show, in France, I presume in the mid to late 70’s or perhaps early 80’s, based on film quality, set, clothes and hair fashion.

Man: And you, do you like boys?

Girl: No!

Man: You don’t like them?

Girl: No.

Man: Why don’t you like them?

Girl: Because they’re dumb.

Man: They’re dumb?

Girl: Yes.

Man: All boys?

Girl: Yes.

Man: Isn’t there a single one that is nice?

Girl: No.

Man: Well, they might not be be nice, and they might be dumb but sometimes they’re beautiful.

Girl: No.

Man: Take me, for example…

Girl: No, and that’s even worse!

Man: Thank you very much… Well, in the end, what do you do with boys?

Girl: Well, nothing.

Man: Nothing at all? What if one comes and speaks to you?

Girl: Well, I tell him, uh, “Beat it, I don’t like boys.”

Man: I wonder, however, of what use are boys, then, because boys exist.

Girl: Yeah, well they exist, but they’re useless. They can serve to work, but sometimes they’ll put their feet up, sit on a couch, and smoke their pipe.

Man: What do you want to do when you get older?

Girl: School teacher!

Man: This is quite the case we have here… Sarah, Sarah… I am a boy.

Girl: Yes.

Man: So I’m dumb?

Girl: Yes.

Man: So I’m not nice?

Girl: Yes. [That’s right.]

Man: And I’m ugly?

Girl: You might be a little nice…

Man: I’m a little nice?

Girl: But with that smile you seem to be a bit of an idiot.

Where do you think that this young 7-8 year old girl learned the above attitude? Where does it originate? Males are good for work, but sometimes they don’t, they put their feet up and smoke a pipe. Who implanted such ideas in her mind? Notice how the audience laughs throughout. Notice how the boy laughs. What is he learning when an audience of adults rewards a child for what is essentially bigotry? It would be interesting to see how the audience would react, specifically a current day North American audience, were the roles reversed.

Now, I acknowledge that this is akin to “Girls have cooties.” This is “Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them.” It is the mere repetition of a child’s mind echoing cultural discourse, with a touch of wanting to please the audience, with their positive feedback in the form of laughter.

Let us not take this more seriously than what it is, but let us at the same time acknowledge a brief moment caught on television that reflects many such mindsets implanted, unconsciously in children at a young age.

If we want to build a better world, what we need to do is not so much to counter this kind of thinking post-facto, but to behave in such a way that it would never occur to another to think this way of anyone. We need, from an early age to teach boys and girls to value each other rather than to accept negative messages about each other as a class.

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The assumption of “In the best interests of the child”

There is little to say other than to shake one’s head.

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